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  • Writer's pictureJennifer Laurén

It Takes a Village...

We've all heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. And I never knew what that meant until I had my kids. As a single mother and having so many unreliable relationships, its hard to even believe this statement. Society has almost made it a punishment to be a single mother. As I stated before, not many of us who are single mothers PLANNED TO BE SINGLE MOTHERS OOKAY! Let me just put that out there! We were in fact in serious, committed relationships with a person, married to them and then things didn't go the way we had planned. So STOP shaming us!

Okay that was my rant for a second. But anyway, we get trapped in this mentality that we HAVE TO do things on our own because of lack of support. I posed a question to a single mommy group I am in recently, "What does your support system look like?" Many of the answers were painful to look at. Its so shocking to see how many of us out there either have a strained or stressed support system or one that is non existent. As a believer in Christ, I believe in the original model of the family...what God created. But in our fallen state we have single motherhood and somewhere we have been discarded. Somewhere, it became okay for people to be harsh to us raising our kids without husbands and our kids without fathers without people knowing what our true story is. I have seen so many women, single mothers on social media who feel trapped, and overwhelmed, exhausted because they don't have adequate support from family or friends. And they really do have to do things all alone.

From my experience, a solid support system is essential to the raising of children--a community. But I want to encourage every single mother reading this, that this community is something you have the power to build. My 'village' is filled with an incredible group of people who took me in. These people who showed me what true love from God is. And have shown me the love they have for me and my children. Through my mistakes, me fighting to find my identity, bad decisions, and my village kept me going and showed me who I could be, and not the "me" I was settling for.

Your village should contain the following: (And I say this with great confidence)

1) God fearing, bold believers of Christ. Why?

- Because you need God to help you get through parenthood. These types of people are able to hear from God about you and your situation when you are not in position to. These people will go to God in prayer on your behalf when you are too exhausted, too blind to see, and too stubborn to hear.

- These people will lead you to the Word for every answer you are searching for and will push you to seek God on your own. Push you to go further, to build your confidence in Christ because only with Christ you can tap in to the impossible. He can do what you can't! (Hello Somebody!)

- These people will speak life in you and your children and bring light in to your life! They support you as you move towards DESTINY!

2) Positive, confident people... Why?

-Because when you are having your moments of depression and mommy guilt they will be able to help you see the better side of things. They can help you stay optimistic and keep the negative away

- These people will encourage you to think about who you were before you became a Mom and they will remind you that you are more than just a mom.

- They also will not be jealous or envious of you when you begin to accelerate! They will be rooting for you and pushing you towards greater. They want you to WIN!

3) You do need people who are ACTUAL mothers yall LOL

-These women are seasoned moms and have raised or are currently raising children. They can give you advice on what works and what doesn't. Especially when you have those moments of "OMG I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!" (I have had many of those moments lol)

- They can also share with you their valuable experiences, remedies, and practical child rearing nuggets that aren't written in the textbooks, or coined by doctors that have not children LOL. This is in some way an intangible heirloom passed down. Listen to your elders.

4) The greatest of all.....LOVE!

-OMG love is soooo important. You need love, and your kids need to know that other people love them too! You cannot have a successful village with out it. Love will heal so many of the traumas we have experienced and with true agape love, you will learn to be able to accept love.

-These people love you no matter what and always will and will support you always.

This is a community that YOU can build. A community that you trust and that you can learn from. You have the power of choice on your side when it comes to this. Also remember that your village must understand and be willing to support you in anything you set out to do that will legitimately improve yourself and your situation. And they are on one accord with what you are teaching your kids. You also must remember that there will be people that are apart of your village only for a season. There are those that are temporary and those that are permanent, and it is crucial for you to know the difference.

Lastly Mom, your village is not just a bunch of people that babysit for you while you're working. These are people that are investing themselves into you and your children. Please value and respect your village and don't take them for granted. Be honest with them and let them know your goals and what you want to achieve so you can have the support you need on the way to destiny. You are not alone, you don't have to do things on your own, you can delegate things and be free of mommy guilt (which I will address in another post).

Communication is KEY within the village and so is LOVE!


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