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  • Writer's pictureJennifer Laurén

The Boundary of "NO"

"Am I the only one that struggles with boundaries?

Nope! I don't think so. In my opinion, I have always been kind of a soft person. Too nice or too forgiving as people would say. I just want harmony and peace right? No drama.

But in the real-world people like to cross the line with you.

Cross the line what does that mean? Well, test your boundaries.

Growing up I don't really remember ever setting too many boundaries for myself and the ones that I did have were established for me by either my parents or whomever what in charge of me at the time lol .

My boundaries were to do what Mommy and Daddy said. Don't make Mommy mad, don't do this or it will break, or you'll lose it, etc. And as an adult, I realized all my boundaries were based on what pleased my parents or other people. Not really for me or what would make me happy. I kind of spent most of my life on autopilot and every now and again run into someone that says to me "Hey you should have a boundary for this" or "You shouldn't allow them to treat you that way." "You are worthy of appreciation and love."

Now don't get me wrong, I had good parents, that raised me like they knew how, but I didn't know how to set my own boundaries. I have learned that when stipulations are set for you by other people, they are set with their intentions not your own. This caused me to develop a false sense of identity and I went to not knowing who I was for most of my life.

My emotions governed my boundaries and they were all over the place. I created walls from my pain, surrounded myself with people, and got into relationships to avoid other trauma.

But I never established the boundary of NO.

NO?! Such a small word but so aggressive and offensive to those who feel as if they have control over you. When you are being manipulated by another person 'No' is offensive to them. No wasn't a boundary that I had nor was it one I had the courage to enforce. What would I lose by saying 'no'? Who would be mad at me? Who would make me feel guilty or bad about it? Who would retaliate against me or deny me in my time of need?

No is a powerful boundary that denies access to those who desire to bring harm or use you. No draws the line. No, without guilt is even more powerful!

Not having the boundary of 'no' in place put me in danger, and caused hurt to myself and trauma. If I only said "NO" maybe it would have been different or that wouldn't have happened to me. If only I said "No" I would not be in this situation or stressed or weary"

Now as I have grown into the person I am today, not just as a mom but as a woman. I understand the power of the boundary of "no". Saying No is self-love. 'No' allows me to have control over myself and my self-worth. 'No' allows my children to know their boundaries with me and sets an example of what healthy boundaries look like. I have learned a hard lesson about boundaries with my kids, that if I am without boundaries they will be also. They will be unhinged also and that will affect everyone around them. Enforcing 'no' stops others from using you and preserves your life. If we say yes all the time we will soon deplete ourselves.

So to all the mommy's out there, find the power in the boundary of No. No draws your line and fosters the self-love and respect you deserve. 'No', tells everyone you encounter that you are saying YES to yourself and that you value yourself. Remember to free yourself from the guilt that comes with saying no and firmly stand on that boundary. Be bold and courageous and move forward in understanding that you have the power to create your atmosphere, preserve your inner circle, and show your children that limits are necessary and healthy and forgive yourself for the past boundaries that were broken or violated.

Meditate on Boundaries that cause you to say YES to yourself. And if you need help in this area, be my special guest at The MommyCon virtual conference, starting TODAY and going til the 23rd of June!

Registration is free and this conference has been so powerful already!! Start with a clean slate! Register today!

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