STIGMA

Webster tells us, that stigma is a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people have about something.

Well this is an understatement of what I felt. The stigma that comes with singlemotherhood is overwhelming. And how single mothers are portrayed is most of the time negative. Especially black single mothers. Now, don't get it twisted I don't get caught up in racism and colorism and all the other 'isms' okay! But I can only speak from my own personal experience, so I will unapologetically. Becoming and single mom, the biggest stigma is the label of "baby mama". I HATE IT! I also hate "baby daddy" ugh! I just feel like its so degrading! That being said, being a Christian, single mother OMG!

The moment you begin to show a baby bump, there go the whispers. The looking around, the internal questions you can pick up from people and then the awkward interactions. The questions of your character.

The shame I already felt was there because of the sin, but now everyone could see the result of my sin. And I felt a godly sorrow because I felt like I let God down.

Now I am speaking from my experience and how I felt because I knew the Word and I knew what was expected of me as a Christ follower and I fell in that area. But God showed me forgiveness, and His wonderful grace and it was during this stage of my pregnancy that I got closer to Him. And anytime you go through any trials it reveals who is in your corner and who is not. Who is your support and who is not. And that is an incredible revelation because it also teaches you about yourself and how to manage those people....WITH LOVE.

Unpopular opinion right? LOL

Not everyone will react the way you expect them to, but going through this caused me to examine myself. Did I want to stop showing up? Yes! Did I want to curl up in a ball under the covers? Yes! Did I want to disappear? YES! But the Apostle I was under at the time told me something profound. She said "this baby is not a mistake, and God has chosen you to the mother. And we love you regardless."

Wow!! All of a sudden what I was thought of, didn't matter. I was going to be someone's mother. The stigma didn't matter. Because truth is there are many reasons why women become single mothers. It isn't just because we were being "fast" as my grandmother used to say lol. Some of us have ended relationships, or lost spouses, divorced etc. And we have to care for our children alone.

So the next time you see a single mom, change your mindset of her. Let's kill the stigma. No I am not praising singlemotherhood but there is an awareness that needs to come about concerning the things we go through.